The Thinning Vegan

Sometimes

2011-07-03T19:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I go away when I need to be present the most and then there are times when there is some major clean up necessary in order to move forward anywhere. I don't want to get into details about the trauma of my life because we all have problems. Also I feel like that isn't my story anymore. I am now creating my new story and I am certain that for the first time in my life I am capable of anything. I have weeded out the people in my life who were toxic. I have forgiven them. I have finally put together all of the pieces, acknowledged what was before me, and now I feel filled with love, patience, and the spiritual guidance I always felt I was lacking in my life.

I was not able to help others because I was unable to help myself. I was not able to be there for others emotionally because I was drowning in my own. I was not capable of receiving love because I was closed off. I was not able to heal physically because I was not taking any steps to heal mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Right now my life is full of literature, good food, great conversation, the possibility of new friends, and an abundance of self love. I finally feel like I DESERVE to be happy in all ways possible. I finally feel like I DESERVE to have healthy people in my life. I am deserving of kindness, love, fun, humor, creativity, healthy food to eat, a healthy fit body to explore life in, and a mind free from guilt, depression, negativity, and toxic thoughts. I just am.

I always thought that once I reached my goal weight I would suddenly be the real me. I would step on the scale and see that magic number and all of a sudden as though through magical sources I would then be doing all of the things I should be doing. I would then be doing all of the things that I have always wanted to do or all of the things that deep down I LIKE doing. Those pounds would be shed and it would be at that moment and THAT moment only that I would become the butterfly from within the cocoon. I am realizing now through all of the healing I have done these past months that I already am that person. It doesn't matter what weight I am, I am me. Sadly, this train of thought has led me time and time again to a point in my life where I am simply sitting completely still. I have spent so much time waiting for that magic moment to arrive, which of course never will, that I had stopped living for the present moment. My life was also so much wrapped up around toxic people and feelings that I was trapping myself. The weight has always been a symptom of something so much deeper and more psychological than I ever really wanted to think about, let alone deal with. I didn't want to admit the drastic measures I would have to take in order to finally free myself from the shackles binding me. Now I have.

I guess it must be hard for some to understand what it means to not know how to be yourself. Some of us are naturally embracing of all that we are and without thought we go out into the world fully "being". Some of us learn along the way how to be who we are. Sometimes it is because we are not allowed to express it because of someone in our life. Sometimes it is because we are consumed by drugs, alcohol, sex, hoarding, etc. Sometimes it is because we are afraid of who we really are or we have an ideal of what we want to be that just simply is not realistic. There are multiple reasons but I can assure you that to feel like you don't really know yourself or like you aren't allowed to truly be who you are is spirit crushing. That's why it doesn't matter to me if a man marries another man, or someone goes to Star Trek conventions and wears a Star Trek uniform to work. The people who are not afraid to be themselves in this world are inspirational. (As long as they are not harming another obviously)

I am going to be making some changes to my blog over the next few weeks. I am not entirely sure where I will be going with it but I do know that regardless of my time away, I am still here. If you are still out there I hope you are loving yourself and continuing to grow as people yourselves.

270's Here I Am!

2011-02-26T00:09:00.000-08:00

As of Friday morning I weighed in at 279lbs on the dot. I have been continuing to eat as raw as possible, lots of rice, salads, berries, and water. I'm also finding myself only eating until satisfaction instead of over stuffing myself like I used to. It's helpful of course eating a lot of high fiber foods to fill up as well. I notice such a difference in my body when I do not get enough fiber or water. Those two things seem like the biggest keys to my body functioning properly.

On Tuesday, March.1 the Biggest Loser Challenge I am hosting on Spark People is starting. I have 30 people participating including myself. I am really looking forward to the challenges I have come up with for each team to do every week. The team who successfully completes the weekly challenges will receive pound advantages for their weigh-ins. There are 6 teams (team blue, red, purple, orange, and yellow) with 6 people on each team. This challenge will run from March.1 until April.26. I will post all the results here so anyone who reads my blog and is interested can see them week to week.

Other than that, so far (as of Friday, Feb.25) I have lost 15 lbs since January.10 2011. I have also lost 10.5 inches since then. I am down a total of 24 lbs from my highest weight and am very proud of that, though I will really start to feel like I am accomplishing something once I get into the 260's.

Carob Chip Cookies

2011-02-25T23:45:00.000-08:00

2 cups whole wheat flour

2 TSP baking powder

1/2 TSP salt

1/2 TSP cinnamon (or more depending on taste)

1-2 cups carob chips (depending how many you like)

1/2 cup organic cane sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup canola oil

1 TSP vanilla extract

1 cup water

Pre-heat oven to 350 Degrees. Add flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon then stir in the carob chips. In another small bowl mix together the sugars and oil, add vanilla and then the water. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients and add the wet. Gradually mix together by folding over but try not to overwork the dough. Spoon onto an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 10-12 minutes. I got about 2 dozen cookies out of this.

Peanut Butter & Maple Cookies

2011-02-25T23:33:00.000-08:00

1/2 cup whole what flour

1/4 cup ground flax seed

1/2 cup oats

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 TSP baking powder

1/2 TSP sea salt

1 TSP vanilla extract

2 TBS olive oil

1 TBS applesauce

1/4 maple syrup

1/4 cup organic smooth peanut butter

sprinkle of organic cane sugar on top once baked and cooling

Pre-heat oven to 350 Degrees. Drop dough by rounded TBS onto a greased cookie sheet. Press down with a fork. I found I needed to mold the sides a bit into a circular shape. Bake 10-12 minutes until golden on the bottom. Cook for about 10 minutes or so so you don't burn your tongue when you try one! I got just over a dozen out of this but I made larger cookies so you could probably get a couple dozen if you made them smaller. I also found these freeze very well and can be eaten out of the freezer rather quickly.

Vegan Ranch Dressing Saved My Life

2011-01-31T07:49:00.000-08:00

Ok obviously that's a little far fetched. However, this past weekend I decided to find myself a delicious Vegan Ranch Dressing recipe. I definitely succeeded and honestly restored my entire belief in this lifestyle just by tasting it. It is so good that I think my problem will be not eating it on EVERYTHING.

I made it the night before, so by the time I dipped into it the next day it was even creamier. To be honest, no bottled dressing I've had (prior to veganism) can come close to this. It's SO yummy.

Ingredients:

1 cup vegan mayonnaise

1/4 cup soy milk

1 tsp garlic powder

1/4 tsp salt

1 tsp onion powder

1/4 tsp black pepper

2 tsp fresh chopped parsley

1 tbsp cider vinegar

1/2 tsp fresh chopped dill or 1/4 tsp dried

I used vegenaise for my vegan mayo. The recipe said to blend in a food processor or blender but I just chopped up the fresh dill and parsley and mixed it by hand. I can't wait to have some more of it on my salad with dinner tonight.

In other news, I am getting my TOM soon and as such I am bloated and it sucks. I think I consumed far too much sodium this weekend also, so alas I am going to be focusing on a lot of water and exercise this week. Of course that's my focus every week but this week even more so I can battle all that water retention. I am a little disappointed that I'm not going to be able to do anything for my birthday this year. The husband and I had a lot planned but due to the freezing weather here he hasn't worked quite a few days and so we've got to watch the finances. *Sighs* Oh well, the most important thing is I keep focused on my health goals or there won't be as many birthdays in the future.

Down 7.6lbs!

2011-01-24T16:11:00.001-08:00

I weighed in at 286.4 this morning!! That's a 7.6lb loss in about 2 weeks. I am very happy with that and was a little surprised this morning by it. I did a bit of a calorie zig zag this past week, I ate quite light during the week and then this weekend ate more so I am wondering if my body took well to that and that accounts for the great loss! I was kind of expecting a gain for some reason this morning when I woke up.

In other news, I went shopping on the weekend at Penningtons for some birthday clothes and was shocked to find myself fitting in to a 1x in a shirt and a 24 in pants instead of the 26 I'm used to. I have a feeling I tend to wear clothes that are much too big for me to get that cover all baggy feeling. It did feel good to know that I can fit into things smaller than I thought.

In a couple weeks I'm going to be getting my hair done (going blonde) and my nails. I am very excited and I really do feel awesome. Here's to another great week and dropping some more pounds!

Smoothie/Juice Feast

2011-01-17T03:10:00.000-08:00

I'm watching "Buddy" right now and enjoying the adorable apes in the movie. They are SO cute!

Today I am starting a smoothie/juice feast and I am going to try and accomplish at least 7-10 days. I am really excited about this and even though I know that it's going to get hard as the days go by I am totally up for the challenge. I have successfully started building a circle of support around myself between Spark, Beachbody, 3 fat chicks, You Tube, and of course my friends and family. I was down 3.6lbs yesterday and I am trying to be a lot more active around the house as well.

My left calf hurts quite a bit. About 2 weeks ago or so I got a very bad cramp in it when getting out of bed. (So amazing how you can hurt yourself without even doing anything) and it got better for a bit but earlier I exercised and must have stepped down on it just right and it hurt like a bitch. Now it is all sore again. I am scared to hurt it anymore than it already is but it's not going to keep me from exercising. I will just go easy on it and as long as I keep moving at this point that's all that matters.

I'm doing better at my water intake and I definitely feel a lot more energetic and calm than a few weeks ago.

I want an ape!!!

Floating

2011-01-15T00:04:00.000-08:00

Wow it's been so long since I was here. My precious blog I've missed you so.

I feel like I am on a cloud right now. Floating along as I detoxify myself. I haven't felt this calm in awhile and it's odd because so much is happening around me.

I somehow ended up doing a day fast without the intention. I feel like my body is speaking to me right now. I'm not hungry and yet I have a great amount of energy. I just feel this inner voice inside telling me to just eat when I am hungry, eat until I am full, and eat the most nutritious raw foods possible.

I made pancakes for hubby tonight. That's what he wanted for dinner the big kid he is. I opted for a delicious smoothie. 1 Banana, Mixed berries, Spinach, Kale, and Cucumber. Mmmmm it was so filling and yummy.

I've been doing my you tube videos again so I need to update my video page here, but haven't gotten around to it yet. I've had a lot of stress going on in other areas of my life but I am dealing with it in such better and positive ways this time around.

All we have is time. I want to use it more efficiently and with more meaning from now on in all aspects of my environment. I'm dreaming of a spring/summer full of home grown wheat grass and sprouted cultured nuts and seeds. Fresh herbs growing on the windowsil, pounds of weight gone, and this floating feeling....

What is this floating? It feels so amazing.

Back

2011-01-11T12:32:00.000-08:00

Well it's been awhile since I posted, but that's because I gave up on my values and what was important to me. I am back and I am back 100%.

I have decided that while I'm going to be vegan, I'm going to eat as RAW as possible. Raw foods make the most sense to me. I will of course still eat cooked food now and then because that is more realistic for me in the long run. However, I would like to eat raw most of the time and perhaps save eating cooked food for mostly when I go out.

So far today I have enjoyed my White tea with lemon and cayenne pepper, a smoothie with berries, spinach, kale, and banana and then for lunch here I am having a cucumber (yes a whole cucumber!) some sprouted quinoa and some almonds. For dinner tonight I'm planning on a BIG salad with tons of yummy veggies and perhaps a potato with some salsa. I adore cooked potatoes so I highly doubt I will give them up without a fight. I figure one now and then is no harm. My dear hubby has just left for the grocery store to pick up some more fresh produce for me. I am feeling fantastic today. Lighter, more energy, better mood. I feel like I'm clean inside. I know that sounds strange but it truly does shock me at how instant the changes are when I eat this way. I forgot how right this is.

I have started putting up You Tube videos again which I think is really going to help me a lot. Here is to 2011!!!

Ok SO! This is the plan for the next 5 weeks. I am getting my nails done, hair done, and buying a new outfit and shoes. My birthday is on the 7th of Feb and my hubby is taking me out on the 12th for a date. I want to lose as much weight as possible over the next 5 weeks as well. I know that this 27th birthday will be my last in the 200's. I WILL be at my goal weight.

Falling In Love All Over Again

2010-05-27T22:06:00.000-07:00

It was difficult at first for me to wrap my head around remaining vegan and working out of the house. For the past 7 years or so I have been working from home and about a month ago I started a new job. I figured it would be really hard, but to be honest I am finding it a lot easier. For one thing, I am not sitting in the living room all day next to the fridge where I can eat at anytime I want. What I bring to eat with me while working is all I've got, plus across the street is a Subway so I can always grab a veggie delite on italian and I can rest assured I am not only eating vegan but extremely healthy.

In other news my husband and I have become addicted to farmer's markets and I have him buying his meat from a local farmer here. I don't think I will ever get him to stop eating meat, but he does at least care now about where it is coming from and what is pumped into it. Plus, he's putting Earth Balance on his potatoes and has even agreed to have a vegetarian/vegan meal with me once a week or so. That's progress in my opinion.

I received an email the other day with a link to this video... it is extremely disturbing but exactly one of the reasons I no longer eat meat and at times question mankind. While I would never compare us all to the individual in this video, there are far too many of them out there and they deserve the same kind of treatment they give these animals.

I was outraged when I saw this video and then to my surprise I got another email a few days after that stated the man in the video had indeed been charged for his violent acts. What he got wasn't quite enough in my opinion, but the fact that his wrong doings had been recognized and he had been punished in some way is still important and I can't turn my nose up at that. Karma is a bitch and I hope he gets what is coming to him.

I have fallen in love with food all over again these past few weeks. I have several vegan cook books and a few other books coming to me from Amazon. I ordered the following:

Vegan Freak: Being Vegan in a Non-Vegan World

Eat, Drink & Be Vegan

Quick and Easy Vegan Comfort Food

The Everday Vegan

The China Study

The 100 Best Vegan Baking Recipes

The Vegan Sourcebook

I am really excited to try the recipes in the books but The China Study and Vegan Freak are definitely what I am most looking forward to.

Well until another day, that is all my friends. Be well!

I Am Confident - I Think

2010-03-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went around dropping off resume's all over. It's time for me to find a new job and get out of the house. I've been working from home for years and I think that by getting out of the house it will help me with my goals, give me some validity, confidence, and help me get used to being on more of a schedule. I am very nervous about working out of the house again but I am excited at the same time. Hopefully I will hear something very soon.

In other news, my weigh in on Monday morning was great. I lost 6lbs!! Saturday night at the birthday party I did have a few drinks but I stayed away from that delicious looking chocolate cake even though about 3 people bugged me about having some. Of course when I think about what it is made with it isn't really all that delicious anymore. I am on week 2 of the Burn Phase in Chalene Extreme and I did not think I would continue to be as sore as I am. I don't mind though, it lets me know whenever I move that I've been working hard. Today was supposed to be a rest day but I definitely did not rest. Instead I did a 30 minutes Turbo Jam Fat Blaster workout video and then a 40 minute Tae Bo workout video. For some reason I felt like I had incredible endurance and energy today so I took advantage of it. Then I had my new usual green smoothie and put an extra cup of fresh spinach in it. So yummy!

I am going to grab something to snack on and then I think we are heading to the grocery store to pick up a few things for around here (fruit, veg, etc.) My next weigh in will be on Monday, March.29 and there are no birthday parties to worry about this weekend so it should be a good one.

Week 1 Of CLX Finished, More Delicious Vegan Food!

2010-03-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

Today I officially finished my first week of Chalene Extreme. Yay me, I rock, oh yeah, woohooo, um.. ok I'm done. No seriously I am really proud of myself and I know that Monday morning I will have no problem starting week 2 because I absolutely LOVE the program. Tomorrow is supposed to be a rest day but I think I am going to go for a long walk instead of just sitting around.

So Thursday night I made a delicious vegan pizza because my husband was having regular pizza and I did not want to be left out. I had it with a bowl of salad and I was in heaven. I used my jalapeno soy cheese, mushrooms, onion, pineapple, some pizza sauce and for the crust I used the accidentally vegan pizza crust. In the future I will probably make my own crust but for now it worked and I was really satisfied and that's most important.

Then Friday I was still in this pizza type mood *nom nom nom* so for lunch I decided to kind of make my own little whatever it was which I ended up just referring to as Romaine Pizza Boats. Basically I took some romaine leaves, topped them with some guacamole, pineapple, mushroom, red pepper, and onion. Then I put some pizza sauce into a little side dish and melted some more of that jalapeno soy cheese into it in the microwave and then I topped the little romaine boats with the ooey gooey mixture. It was surprisingly not too bad although next time I don't think I will put guacamole on the romaine. I probably could enjoy those little romaine boats just as they were too without anything to dip them in.

Today it is my sister's birthday and we are having an 80's themed party out at a bar. After much research I found out that Corona's are actually vegan which made me giddy with delight to find something relatively low in calories (compared to hard liquors for example) and that is vegan AND that I don't mind the taste of. I am not a big drinker by any means but it will be nice to enjoy a couple of them and feel like a normal person in the "bar scene" Other than that I think I can be strong enough to not eat any of her chocolate cake. I think I might bring some dark chocolate with me or something like that just so I can have a little treat when everyone has a piece of cake.

Monday morning I weigh in and I am really looking forward to seeing where I am at. I know that being the first week of really getting back on track I will probably lose mostly water weight and toxic crap but as long as the number goes down that's all that matters! Plus I have done a crap load of weight lifting this week and cardio with Chalene Extreme/Turbo Jam so I know I have earned whatever it is.

It's time to get EXTREME baby!

Green Smoothie For St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

So I decided to make my smoothie green today because green smoothies and green juice are supposed to be exceptionally healthy for you and what better day to try one than on St. Patrick's day right? Forget the green beer and fattening foods, I'm going green with vegetables today.

This particular smoothie has the following:

1 cup Vanilla Rice Dream
1 cup Kale
1 cup 5 frozen fruit blend (pineapple, honeydew melon, red grapes, strawberries, peaches)
1 small banana
1/2 cup water

Put it all in a blender and you're good to go. I was a bit hesitant to be honest at what the taste would be like having kale in it but honestly I didn't even taste it, it was really delicious AND has 10 grams of fiber which is a good thing for me. I woke up this morning with a crappy headache and I think I was dehydrated or something because as the day has gone on and I've been drinking water I feel some what better. Regardless of how I was feeling I still did my work out which was about 20 minutes on my elliptical to warm up and then my Chalean Extreme Burn Circuit 2. I'm proud of myself.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Orange Avacado Salad Dressing

2010-03-16T18:47:00.000-07:00

So this was inspired by Life Regenerator Dan from You Tube, someone who has really been motivating and uplifting me the last couple of days especially towards eating more RAW foods.

Dressing:

2 small mandarin oranges

1/2 red bell pepper

1 clove of garlic

1/2 avacado

Salad:

Romaine

Kale

Spinach

Cucumber

Red Pepper

Red Onion

Green Onion

**You can make any kind of tossed salad, adding whatever vegetables you like**

His original dressing called for tomatoes and since I did not have any I used half of a red bell pepper I had sitting in the fridge. I really liked the way it turned out and I enjoyed every bite of that salad. Then had a plum for dessert. YUMMY!

Looking forward to my next Chalean Extreme video tomorrow. Sleep tight all!

4:00am Not Sure If I Like You Yet, Maybe Soon.

2010-03-15T04:55:00.000-07:00

I actually did what I said I was going to do for once. I woke up this morning at 4:00am, I did my hour workout (Elliptical and Chalean Xtreme) and then I had a delicious flax seed, fruit, rice dream smoothie. I just finished tracking my workout on Spark and responding to a comment on my first you tube vlog which is now uploaded as of yesterday and is here on the site as well under "You Tube Vlogs"

I am feeling really happy about today. I feel like it's the day where I get to start completely over. The last few months since my last miscarriage I was hanging in such a slump and now that is over because I have taken back my control. Anyway, time for a shower and then I need to get some work done.

I Wouldn't Need An Umbrella

2010-03-11T23:15:00.000-08:00

We went to the grocery store earlier tonight and stocked up on very healthy food. We bought peaches, plums, pears, grapes, spinach, kale, carrots, avacados, arugula, and a variety of other fruits and vegetables. I also bought some guacamole and some hummus, flax seeds, walnuts, almonds, different kinds of beans, soy milk, soy cheese, etc. Things are going to be a little different for me now when I can't depend on tortillas and bread, etc for meals. I am going to have to get creative and realize that it is ok to grab a pear and a few nuts for a snack. Another thing I am going to remind myself of is that I don't HAVE to have an elaborate meal every single night. I am going to try something new maybe once a week or once every couple of weeks. I just don't have the time or the money to be constantly making a new recipe every night.

Now, on to other things. I watched Food, Inc. earlier. Another brilliant film that shows the disgusting truths about the state of the world. There is too much of a connection between capitalism, economics, minorities, sickness, pharmaceuticals, and food. I simply do not want to be a part of that decline into a completely scum caked existence. For too many years I was ignorant to the truth, and here I am walking proof of that ignorance with all this weight on my body and all of these health problems. No more! I refuse to spend my hard earned dollars that end up only lining the pockets of head honchos who couldn't give a damn about anything else but themselves. My own grandfather was a farmer and I wonder what he would think of what the world has become all of these years later. If you have not seen this movie yet I highly recommend you see it.

This weekend will be full of family get together's and I will need to focus on my goals and self truth.

I wish I could dance through a field of flowers in the rain surrounded by animals and the smell of earth all around me. I wouldn't need an umbrella, though. Maybe in my dreams tonight.

There's A Girl Here And She's Almost You

2010-03-10T23:18:00.000-08:00

I feel ashamed to admit it but the fat unhealthy girl inside of me took over for awhile. I must forget about that and move on from it, learn from it, and do better. Over the past few months my husband and I went through a couple of miscarriages. Right now I am in the process of finding out if I have PCOS. That's what the OBGYN believes is wrong with me. I do fit the majority of symptoms which I won't get into here and upon doing some research into the link between PCOS and insulin resistance, I found that there is a striking similarity between an insulin resistance diet and how vegans eat. (Nuts, seeds, lots and lots of veggies, fruits, soy, limited or NO dairy, etc.) Obviously they are not exactly the same as vegans do not eat or drink ANY dairy or ANY meat, but there are so many similarities it really made me stop and think. Could this be part of why I felt so amazing while eating as a vegan?

One day I want to be a Mom if I will be able to and obviously I need to do whatever I can to get myself as healthy as possible. So now I am faced with the fact that not only do I believe in a Vegan lifestyle from an ethical, moral, spiritual stand point, but now it is also something I must do in order to combat this problem with my body. I do believe that I have this regardless of tests not done yet, and I have this feeling deep within me that through a vegan lifestyle, proper exercise and activity, and a regimen of keeping myself de-stressed I can become the person I dream of being inside and out.

Tomorrow we are going grocery shopping with plans to fully stock our place with the most delicious and healthy foods. Fresh fruits, veggies, nuts and beans. Even thinking of these things, saying them out loud, typing them make me glow. My body aches to be fed proper fuel and my soul aches to do what is right for myself and the planet. I am also starting a new workout routine, I am going to do a round of Chalean Extreme. I am going to start this on Monday and I will also be doing weekly vlogs on you tube to track my progress with my weight loss and healthy living. My first video will be posted this Sunday. I really am putting myself out there and there's this beauty in the honesty. I don't want to hide anymore.

Anyway, I am off to watch a movie or maybe just fall asleep. The music of Chet Baker just put me in this relaxed warm comfort bubble. Almost blue....

Tofu & Mushroom Tacos

2009-11-12T04:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my husband and I wanted to have tacos. The last time we had tacos was when I was still eating meat so I came up with my own vegan version and it was really quite delicious in my opinion. Here is the recipe...

Tofu and Mushroom Tacos

Ingredients:

3 Hard Taco Shells
2 TBSP Salsa
1/4 package of Taco Seasoning
1/2 cup Fresh Mushrooms
1 cup Orange Bell Pepperr ( or any color you like )
1/4 block of firm Tofu
Handful of Baby Spinach and Greens Mix
1/4 cup Soy Cheese
1/2 TBSP Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1/4 cup Red Onion
1/4 cup Water

Directions:

Heat olive oil in a pan on medium heat.

Chop and slice up the mushrooms, peppers, red onion, and tofu. Throw into pan and cook until tender. Add in the taco seasoning and water and let simmer for 7-8 minutes.

Shred the soy cheese while waiting for sauce to thicken.

Fill taco shells with the mixture adding the salsa, soy cheese, spinach and greens on top.

Serve with vegan sour cream if desired. **this is not included in recipe**

Weigh In Around The Corner

2009-11-06T05:05:00.000-08:00

I decided to branch out a bit more as far as meals that feel "normal" and so that I don't feel like my husband and I are always having two completely different meals. He usually buys a pizza on our grocery days, so I had him pick me up what I needed to make vegan pizza. Instead of using the dough for one large pizza I cut it up so I had twelve little mini ones. I used 3 for dinner and froze the rest. I topped the little mini pizzas with sauce, veggies, and soy cheese. It was delicious and I didn't feel left out at all. Having foods that are frozen in separate meals has been extremely handy in eating vegan. I need to make another batch of chili this weekend and I think I'm going to make some more muffins or cookies as well. I've lost 10 lbs since Oct.25 and my next weigh in is Sunday. I'm looking forward to it which is surprising. I usually hate them but I've been eating so well and working out every single day I have nothing to feel guilty about. Yeah!

The other day I ordered a vegan holiday 2009 craft sample bag. It has 7-10 samples I believe, things that are all indie handmade items. I can't wait to get it and see what awesome crafts are in it! All the proceeds are going to the Peaceful Prairie Animal Sanctuary. Awwww! Maybe one day I'll be making my own crafts....scrapbooking at the very least.

Peaceful Prairie Sanctuary Website

Vegan Craft Samples.com

I know that it's coming on Thanksgiving for all the Americans. Us Canadians have ours in October so I am safely out of harms way. The last few years our family really hasn't done anything spectacular for the event anyway. The older I get the less I seem to care about these holidays. Why are we celebrating them anyway? An excuse to eat a bunch of garbage and pretend to be thankful loving family? Yeah, um, not for mine. I sure cringe at the thought of all those poor turkey's being butchered just so they can be the meal at the center of a facade. The thought of someone shoving their hand up it's butt, stuffing it and all that jazz makes me feel a bit icky in my tummy box. Anyway, I sure hope everyone enjoys their thanksgiving in the U S of A this year. I just wish it wasn't a holiday that so many people feel is incomplete without that turkey. It's about giving thanks after all, isn't it? I am no one to judge others anyway but I still have my opinions and if I can't write them in my own blog then I'm in trouble!

TGIF!

My Spirit Feels Beautiful

2009-11-03T04:44:00.000-08:00

I watched a couple of documentaries I found online through some members of the Vegan group on Facebook the other day. I am honestly completely disgusted by most humans at this point in my life. The government, the so called "health-industry", the ignorant and closed minded, and the utter disrespect for not only each other but the other earthlings on this planet makes my heart cry.

It is so common when something or someone is in power to have the weak taken advantage of. Whether it is an abusive parent preying on a helpless innocent child, or the government gaining financial wealth and authority by their corruption and influence therefore being able to manipulate the public. Human kind as a whole seems to be so egotistical, selfish, and inhumane. We suck the resources from this planet and enslave, torture, and butcher the animals that inhabit it alongside us as though everything were there specifically for us and us alone. Being in a place of power does not give anyone the right to take advantage of those that are not. I believe it instead becomes that persons duty to nurture, guide, and care for those that need it - human OR animal OR nature. The way a loving parent takes care of their young, or the heart driven political leaders fight for that which is decent and good for the people, or how a vegetarian, vegan, and environmental or animal activist recognizes that they can stand up for and speak for that which cannot on it's own.

I know there are a lot of people who consider vegans crazy. I guess I kind of feel imperious in some ways as much as I hate to admit it. It takes a lot of hard work, effort, passion, determination, courage, humanity, and soul to stand up for something you believe so strongly. Especially in a world which would have you think it is really better to follow the masses. To those people who think we are crazy, I simply do not care. What I care about is doing my part and doing what I feel is best for me and the planet.

So I will go forth on this journey, learning more as I go. Not only about a vegan lifestyle but also what I am made of. I pushed myself hard last night during my workout, and I know that at the end of the week I am going to see more results on the scale. My reward for filling my body with healthy food and getting off of my ass to exert all this extra energy this lifestyle gives me. My spirit feels beautiful right now. It feels cleaner and more disencumbered than ever.

Happy World Vegan Day!

2009-11-01T15:22:00.000-08:00

I lost 7 lbs this past week. I am very happy about that. I can't wait to kick some major ass this week again. Hopefully I will be back to where I was a few months ago and even lower still. My goal right now is to lose at least 25 more pounds by the end of this year. Then another 15 or 20 by my birthday in February. That will put me around 235 lbs or so. Then through out 2010 I am going to take it a few weeks at time using each special event (anniversary, birthdays, etc.) as incentive markers.

I am about to enjoy some Spicy Black Bean Chili, apple, and some vanilla soy milk for dinner. I have my singing group tonight and then when I get home I'm going to be working out. I'm actually looking very forward to it.

Happy World Vegan Day Everyone!

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T03:29:00.000-07:00

I had an excellent day yesterday. It was my first time being out and around someone who smokes since I quit smoking. It's been 2 weeks so I had mixed emotions. On one hand I was worried that being around my sister who still smokes would be difficult for me. Would I want one? Would I be envious or miss it and then that would cause me to sneak a drag or two? I'm proud to say I didn't have any! In fact, the smell of it was pretty gross. I was surprised at how much I could notice it, actually. Last night was also my first night having dinner out at a restaurant since getting back into a vegan lifestyle. I ordered a Baja Salad - no cheese, no meat, and no ranch dressing. The salad had spinach and iceburg lettuce, corn, red and green peppers, black olives, diced tomatoes, a few crushed up tortilla chips and I ordered extra salsa with it since I wasn't having the dressing. It was delicious!! I even ate it while watching my sister have nachos with tons of ooey gooey yummy cheese. Ah well, I didn't want it anyway. I very much enjoyed my dinner!

After dinner and some great conversation we went and saw the movie "This Is It" the documentary concert film featuring rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson getting ready for the tour he was supposed to embark on before he tragically passed away. It was amazing! I opted for Twizzlers (Which I have read are in fact vegan so I am just really hoping they are otherwise... crap!) Then once I got home I worked out for an hour and followed that by a yummy snack of raw veggies. All in all I am pretty damn proud of myself and even though with each time out it will get easier, I really learned tonight that I CAN maintain this lifestyle and make my own choices without having to feel like I can't have fun.

It's Halloween today and that means pumpkin carving time. I didn't buy vegan friendly treats because I guess since it's so early for me in this lifestyle I don't want to be pushing it on others just yet. By next year I am sure I will be handing out goodies that are vegan, but this year I'm not worrying too much about it. My weigh in is tomorrow, Sunday, and I'm actually really looking forward to it. I know with all the hard work I've done this week it is going to pay off.

Learn All The Facts

2009-10-28T21:25:00.000-07:00

I found some great websites today ( links have been added to "Vegan Resources" at the bottom right of the page.) and I also added some recipes for the dishes I've mentioned in previous blogs on Spark. The widget is at the very bottom of this site and I'm not sure if you have to be a member to view them or not but hopefully not. I am going to highlight my Spicy Vegan Black Bean Chili in this particular blog. Absolutely DELICIOUS! Easy to make, cheap, and you get a lot of meals out of it. I had one serving yesterday over some rice and froze the rest of it in individual servings. So tonight for a quick meal I put some baby greens on a vegan tortilla with a little rice and a serving of the chili and made a tasty Mexican style wrap. I could really get used to eating like this....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spicy Vegan Black Bean Chili

1 TBS Extra Light Olive Oil
1 medium or large Onion
1/2 Red Pepper
1/4 Orange Pepper
45 Grams firm tofu crumbled
1 large carrot
1 Tpackage Chili Seasoning
1 clove of Garlic
1 TSP Cayenne Pepper
1/2 cup tomato juice

1 Cup Vegetable Stock
2 Cups Black Beans
1 Cup frozen corn
Salt and Pepper

Directions

Add all ingredients together into your slow cooker and turn on high. Cook 2-4 hours or until desired softness of vegetables.

Great for freezing and tastes great served over brown rice.

Number of Servings: 6
Total Calories Per Serving: 176 (1 cup)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news I have been faithfully working out every day. I feel incredible... it's such an amazing difference. The combination of vegan eating and quitting smoking is phenomenal. I was going to bake something with the pumpkin guts after carving them for Halloween this weekend but I read in a few articles that using field pumpkins is really difficult for baking since they are so stringy. I think I might still roast the seeds, though.

I kind of went on a rant earlier this afternoon... I'm sure my husband thoroughly enjoyed that. Just kidding! He is 100% supportive of my beliefs and decision to not only eat vegan but also how I feel regarding animal testing. I never want to be one of those people who is annoying and shoves what they believe in down someone's throat, but I can't deny that I wish he was more interested in this lifestyle. I am very lucky that he is supportive, though, and so I am not going to whine and complain. He even said today that he may look into buying more local and free range meat and that made me very proud of him. I finished my rant by just asking him to promise me that he'll never be one of those people who chooses what they choose out of purposeful ignorance. "If I don't know it can't bother me" type thing. At least learn about why and what it is I am doing and make your decisions from there, but don't just choose to be ignorant towards it and turn a cheek. If you watch a video or read an article and find out what terrible things are happening and then still decide you just enjoy meat too much to let that sway you... or if you believe as humans we are above pigs and chickens and cows on the food chain so therefore humans have the right to do as they wish and enslave them, torture them, and rip them from their natural lives, well then fine. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. Just at least learn all the facts first.

So Much Energy

2009-10-28T01:23:00.000-07:00

Well it has sure been a busy last few days. I've been really enjoying trying out some new vegan recipes. I made some very berry vegan muffins (made with a 4 berry blend), a delicious carrot pasta (the "noodles" are literally thin long strips of carrot) SO good! I also made an amazing spicy black bean chili in the slow cooker today which I froze for future meals. 6 meals out of one batch! You can see the pictures of the final results in the photo stream on the right.

Aside from that I have been enjoying some tasty smoothies and I am quite proud of myself for all that I've been doing. I haven't had a cigarette in over 10 days!!! This Saturday will be 2 full weeks. It seems a little surreal. On one hand it is amazing to me that I have gone that long without one but at the same time I still feel like it is so early to consider myself a non-smoker. At any point I could just go and buy a pack. I'm not going to though because the changes I have already noticed in this short time are pretty inspirational. I breathe easier in general, especially while sleeping and I've REALLY noticed a difference when working out. Plus I find that I'm doing more little things and getting to tasks faster than before. I don't have that cigarette to procrastinate with anymore.

All in all I'm feeling great. The only problem I'm having is what to munch on while watching a movie.... I'll have to look for a good vegan snack or treat. Hopefully my weight in at the end of the week goes well.

Yummy Day

2009-10-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

It's been almost 6 whole days since I had my last cigarette. I can't believe it! I'm definitely feeling better already. Breathing easier and just feeling cleaner inside. Today I also started eating vegan again. Yesterday I went grocery shopping and had one last harrah with some chocolate milk and gummy bears and today I woke up and immediately had my planned vegan breakfast. It was really yummy and I'm proud of myself for making the decision to continue on with this kind of lifestyle.

Today I'm going to make some vegan 4 berry muffins. I need to put the recipe up on Spark so I can track the calories so if anyone is interested in it they can view it soon. I am also making a crockpot full of vegan chili tomorrow that I am going to freeze in servings for quick lunches or dinners over rice or whatever. This will also have to be put up as a recipe to track calories so I'll have a couple of new recipes up either today or tomorrow.

I may exercise later tonight but today my biggest focus is on making sure I follow my meal plan.

Breakfast:

1/2 cup Muesli-Fruit, Nuts, and Seeds Cereal
1/2 cup vanilla Soy Milk
8 oz Orange Juice
2 cups Hot Green Tea
2 tsp Organic Cane Sugar

Lunch:

(Smoothie)
1 cup frozen unsweetened strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries
1 cup vanilla soy milk
1 medium banana
with a small apple and 1 tbsp organic peanut butter

Dinner:

(Roasted red pepper vegetable pasta)
1 cup whole wheat spaghetti
1 cup mixed veggies-broccoli, cauliflower, carrots
3 oz firm tofu
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

Snacks:

Handful of Almonds

1 cup Chocolate soy milk iced cappuccino (made with ice and nestle java coffee syrup in the blender)

and some hot orange pekoe tea with organic cane sugar.

Total Calories: 1698

The Times They Are A Changing

2009-10-19T23:06:00.000-07:00

So I said I was back and I haven't been. I know why and now I feel more prepared than I did even back at the beginning of this year when I lost 30 lbs. (which I have gained all back except for about 7lbs) I'm not happy about that, but it can't be changed. I'm looking on the positive side of things that at least I did not gain ALL of it back. It's done, it's over with, I'm going to move on. I feel proud of myself for changing my tracker and being honest about it.

What many did not know about me is that for many years I was addicted to marijuana. I need to start out by saying that I do not think badly of pot or the people who use it. I also do not think that the drug itself is addictive. I have an extremely addictive personality and that was the problem. I was addicted to it psychologically, depending on it and telling myself for years that I needed it to function. In the beginning that was true, but eventually it became a problem because I was smoking it constantly and living in some altered reality escaping from everything. That needed to stop. I needed to show myself that I didn't need to depend on it in order to be ok. That is not the marijuana's fault, but my own addictive and dependent behavior. It was the same with cigarettes, which I too am very very very proud to say I have also finally quit! It has been 2 full days since I had a cigarette. I began taking Champix on Oct.12/09 and I have 6 more days of pills to take. I can't believe the way I feel on these pills. I do not crave cigarettes at all. I could go out and buy some right now and continue smoking because of the psychological addiction (my mind telling me I need them or want them or am supposed to have them) however, I feel extremely confident that I will succeed at becoming a non-smoker this time. I know that I do not need them and I WANT to quit. I want to be healthy, I want to save the money, I want to have another thing to be proud of myself for. I have also quit another extremely bad habit I had since I was a little girl - biting my fingernails. I have not bitten my nails in months. That's 3 very big changes for me in my own life that I know are positive and now I feel like nothing is in my way. I just need to tackle my addiction to unhealthy eating. It's a different feeling when that's the only thing left.

In other positive news as some of you know I am a singer/songwriter and music is a very big part of my life. Due to my weight and other things I gave up on being involved with it for years and now that has changed also. I was recently invited to join a small private group of women who have an ensemble group called "Brava." This group is ran by my former High School choir teacher and includes former students from different schools she taught at. Having to audition and take the risk was very healthy for me. Being around these women who are positive, passionate, fun people is also healthy for me. It gives me a greater sense of confidence and inspiration to no longer feel like "the fat girl." Because of this confidence I am also going to be performing in a choir this December for The Singing Christmas Tree. It is held at the Jubilee Auditorium and tickets are sold on ticket master. Proceeds go to a charity and we will be doing 4 performances over a weekend from Friday-Sunday. This winter I have also decided to finally do some volunteer work. My husband and I have talked about it for years but were just too lazy to go through with it. This year we are going to volunteer at Santas Anonymous to wrap presents for children and also at the Food Bank to sort food hampers for families. It is my greatest desire to help those in need. I realize that in order to do this I must take care of myself or I am no good to anyone. This has also helped me cope with the recent loss during my pregnancy... I know if I focus on getting myself healthier that in the long run I will be blessed with a healthy baby. One day.

I took some new before photos with our digital camera. They are a lot better than the original ones I took with my web cam and I plan on taking photos each month to keep me inspired. I am also going to go to the gym once a week, most likely on Fridays. It will give me something different to look forward to each week and given my previous track record with gym memberships I figure it will be better to just pay to drop in for the first while and see how that goes. I have so many things to look forward to, organize and plan for, and keep myself busy. Regardless of the weight gain, I think that this year has been an incredible one so far when everything is said and done.

So, I'm starting out again at 285lbs. My next weigh in will be on Sunday, Oct.25. Tomorrow I am looking VERY forward to working out for the first time without having a cigarette after. I bet I'm going to feel awesome. Sorry to everyone for not being there these past few months. I really am here now, I promise.

I Went For A Jog!

2009-08-10T04:19:00.000-07:00

I just went for my first jog! Well it was more of a walk with some jogging thrown in but I actually made myself jog 3 times! I only went out for a bit, but it felt great. The quiet, the sun just coming up, no one around, music in my ear, the feeling of running. There is a runner inside of me I can feel it. My body just can't do it yet for long periods of time. That's to be expected. I'm not pleased with how the last couple of months have been. Very slow moving with the weight loss and to be honest I haven't been giving it my all what so ever. I've slipped back into my old sleeping habits (up all night and sometimes for over 30 hours ) and I have also slipped up with the Vegan eating. I need to remember what my goals are, remember why and what I'm doing this for. Remember that this is the way I want to live my life. In control, pure and healthy.

Today I plan on re-committing myself to the Vegan lifestyle no if ands or buts about it. I'm still new to it, but I can't use that excuse forever. I either am or I am not and I feel in my heart that I am. I've also been thinking a lot lately about starting my you tube channel back up and making videos again. Now that I have a digital cam and I've actually put some kind of dent in my weight maybe it would be a good idea. I just hate the videos sometimes because how I feel I look when looking through my eyes is different from what I see on film, in the mirror, etc.

Anyway I may write more later, that's all for now.

The Rainbow Connection

2009-08-05T06:43:00.000-07:00

Why are there so many
Songs
about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbow's are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some chose to
Believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star

Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What so we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Are these the sweet sounds that called
The young sailors

I think they're one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

~Kermit the Frog

Dust Into Glitter

2009-08-05T06:15:00.000-07:00

I've been doing so much thinking the past few days. A lot of thinking about what I want in the future. It's been a crazy year and I have grown so much, learned so much, and changed so much. I've still got a long way to go but I'm not giving up and I am amazed that I still care all these months later.

I want to have a baby. It's been something in the back of my mind for years, and my husband and I have many times discussed and decided to have one, only to chicken out and change our minds with some excuse. We don't own a house, we don't have tons of money, we don't this, we don't that. I of course have always said I wanted to be thin before getting pregnant with the notion that I'll just gain 50 more lbs and won't be able to exercise. That simply just isn't the case. For an obese person it's perfectly fine to continue eating extremely healthy (obviously) and very beneficial to keep up some sort of exercise routine. Obviously you aren't going to starve yourself to lose weight or workout for 6 hours in a day, but there's no reason to not maintain a healthy daily lifestyle. In fact, I have always thought I would probably look after myself the best I ever have while pregnant. Plus for an obese person I keep reading they don't really need to gain a whole lot of extra weight since they are already large. I want to have a baby for so many reasons, and one of the biggest ones is I just feel like it's time. Is anyone every TRULY ready to have a kid? I don't believe so. I also love children and look at them as beautiful miracles regardless of the hard that comes with it. Doesn't the good always out-weigh the bad? The whole point of me making these lifestyle changes is ultimately to be healthy. The weight loss is a benefit, a side effect from something much greater than the lbs alone. I realized the cause of my down slide the past few weeks. I forget about my objective and got stuck back in the whole "Wahh! I'm on a diet!" thing. Which of course I certainly am NOT. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not doing enough with my life, not doing enough with the time I have, not giving back and not creating purpose. So I guess we shall see what happens with that whole decision... it's definitely not going away.

Work has been incredibly busy, and I can feel myself becoming more withdrawn. I need to stop this. I need to continue straight on, my head held up, ready to achieve what needs to be done. Sometimes I get so lost in my head spending far too much time day dreaming instead of putting things into action. I've learned that being married doesn't mean losing independent thought or individual hobbies. I've learned that being healthy doesn't mean missing out on so called "sins" I've learned that there's a time and place to be a child at heart, and a time and place to be a rational adult. That a person can be both true to the playful child inside and to the grown up they become. It seems as though I have a very all or nothing perspective when it comes to decisions I need to make. Then I spend far too much time sitting around missing things and pouting. It is possible to have it all, in time and in patience and with hope and a positive outlook. It is possible to turn dust into glitter.

My Vision Statement

2009-01-18T06:12:00.001-08:00

I want to be the me I really am. My body is my temple, what keeps my mind and soul alive. I feel as though in being so unhealthy and over weight, I have shown the truth. I have shown that my mind and soul aren’t healthy and the weight is honestly just a side effect. This is my vision statement, this is my inspiration and direction. In a few years from now I want to be free of this extra weight. I want to be able to look back on my life and finally be free of the burden, free of the nagging guilt and the wanting to change. I want to be getting out of the house more, having close friendships and connections with people in the physical world and not just the virtual. I want to be able to look at myself and see someone strong, independent, capable and beautiful. I want to become a mother and provide my child with a healthy place to grow not only inside of me, but beside me in life. I want to have a closer relationship with my husband, my family and with myself. I want to be an active person with energy and a bright optimistic attitude.

I would look forward to getting up in the morning without being so tired and uninterested. I would look forward to getting up in the morning and putting on clothing that I feel good in, to not have to sit on my bedside looking into the mirror hating what I see. To not have to avoid mirrors all together. I would spend time with the people I love, experience new things like being a participant in a sport instead of a spectator, join in marathons for good causes, or go run around the park with my child. I would know that I can accomplish great things in my life and I would face problems and obstacles with the same attitude I gained throughout my journey of weight loss. My days would be completely free of the worries of feeling fat, all of the tiny little things that take up so much of my thought and energy each and every day. My personal values would be self love, health, love for others, human connection, family, patience, faith, contribution to the world, independence, and so many others.

Right now my values and priorities are not where they should be. There are so many changes I need to make in myself in order to achieve the goals I have set for myself. Right now my values are selfishness, food and sleep and then all of the above. It is my own fault I am still here in this situation. The time for blame is over, the time for doing is now. I need to change my attitude, be more positive. I need to be organized, in control, compassionate towards myself and not worry so much about the all or nothing mentality. I need to deal with my feelings from my childhood and the past and learn how to move past them. I need to make these changes for myself, for my life, for the future.

This is my vision statement, and I visualize a life free of fat, free of emotional eating. I visualize a me that is healthy in body, mind, and spirit.

150 Reasons I Want To Lose Weight

2009-01-18T06:12:00.000-08:00

This is a list of 150 reasons why I want to lose weight. 1 for each pound I want to lose and then some. These are in no particular order and some are extremely personal.

1. To be healthy and live a long life.
2. To be able to move around, walk up stairs, do housework, etc. without feeling tired and out of breath.
3. To be more confident about myself as a whole person. Body, mind, and soul.
4. To go further in my music. Start a band, try out for one, make videos, take photo shoots, etc.
5. To be able to have children one day and take care of them properly. Play with them and pass on healthy eating, exercise habits as well.
6. To reduce my risks with my heart condition.
7. So I have better skin, my hair isn’t as dry, I look healthier.
8. To be able to sit on a chair and not worry about my weight on it.
9. To go tanning and look good naked as well as not have to worry about how much weight the tanning bed holds.
10. To tie my shoes, paint my toes, shave my legs, etc. without strain.
11. To have a healthier, more confident sex life.
12. So I can go shopping in the regular sizes and not feel disgusting when I try new clothes on and see myself in the mirror.
13. So I have more energy.
14. To be able to go into a restaurant and have dinner without feeling like people are watching me eat and thinking about how fat I am.
15. To cross the street without worrying that people are looking at me from their vehicles and thinking about how fat I am.
16. So I can participate in sports activities or other outside activities like going to the lake or camping.
17. So I can help other people reach their goals.
18. To feel beautiful.
19. To feel like I can accomplish major changes and goals in my life.
20. To be more disciplined.
21. So I can wear summer clothes when it’s hot out and not feel so self conscious about how I look.
22. So I feel sexy.
23. So I can take photos of myself alone and with others and not be disgusted by how I look in them.
24. So I can go on cam when talking to someone and not feel disgusting on it.
25. So I am no longer considered a fat person.
26. To walk into a place and have men check me out.
27. To prove to myself and to others that I can do it.
28. To cross my legs like a lady instead of like a man.
29. So I can sit with friends or strangers and not feel ashamed or uncomfortable.
30. So I can receive hugs and offer hugs without feeling like that person will be disgusted when they touch me.
31. To never wonder again if I am too heavy for something or if I will fit in it, on it, beside it, through it, etc.
32. So I feel feminine.
33. So I can feel my hips and collar bone and see my belly button.
34. So I can get a tattoo somewhere other than my ankles.
35. To not be embarrassed of someone holding up my pants or underwear.
36. To look good naked to myself and others.
37. So I can go dancing/take dance classes.
38. To have a shower and use a regular size towel around myself instead of a beach towel.
39. So I can find out what my body is really supposed to look like.
40. So I can find out my true potential as a regular person.
41. So I’m not a statistic.
42. So I can sleep better.
43. To not have pain in my back, knees, hips, etc.
44. To be able to go out in public with friends/significant other and not feel that everyone is looking at us wondering why is they are with someone like me.
45. So I’m not the fat one of the family anymore.
46. To make my grandma proud ( rest her soul )
47. So I can go on vacation and not worry about how I look, how hot it is outside, etc. To be able to focus on the sights and sounds instead of my weight.
48. To not feel my thighs rubbing together.
49. Complete a race/marathon either walking or running.
50. So I can hear someone say “You’re pretty” instead of just “You have a pretty face”
51. So I can be considered a healthy active person.
52. So I don’t have to envy people who work hard to achieve their goals.
53. So I’m more attractive to the opposite sex.
54. To take better care of myself in general ( hair, makeup, clothes, body, mind, etc.)
55. To run into someone I haven’t seen for awhile and have them stunned.
56. To meet new people and have them never know I was so fat.
57. So I love myself more.
58. So I don’t have to worry about people making fun of me either to my face or behind my back.
59. So I can leave all of the pain and hurt that has stayed with me as fat on my body all of these years. (my whole life)
60. So I have a few years of being skinny before I start having kids.
61. So that I can focus on other things in life properly, such as my relationships and friendships with people, my work, my talents and hobbies, without everything centering around my weight.
62. So I can go on a ride at an amusement park and not be either smooshed into the seat or not fit at all.
63. So I can walk through the mall and feel confident and not look in the mirrors and feel gross.
64. So I can go to the gym and feel like someone who has an active lifestyle, instead of the person who is trying to get there.
65. So I can wear sexy lingerie and costumes.
66. So I quit hiding behind it all.
67. So I don’t have to worry about sitting in a lawn chair in the summer.
68. So I can feel sexy in shorts and a t-shirt and actually go out in public.
69. So I can feel toned up and tight.
70. To be able to completely be myself without having the weight to hold me back.
71. To learn more about the human body, the human mind, the human heart and spirit.
72. To be able to look at before and after pictures.
73. To be able to tell my story.
74. To buy a workout outfit and nice new sneakers and not feel like a doofus.
75. To know that people will use a different characteristic to describe me to another person other than ” she’s kinda fat “, or ” you know, the fat girl “.
76. To be able to say I’ve lost ” number of pounds “.
77. To have the option of getting a belly button piercing instead of just not being able to at all.
78. To wear a swimsuit instead of shorts and a t-shirt to the pool/lake.
79. To not feel like I take up more room than I should on a bus, in a car, on a couch, etc.
80. To watch a movie where someone makes a fat person joke and not feel like the punch line myself.
81. To watch a movie where someone makes a fat person joke and not feel like they think they can’t laugh because they don’t want to hurt my feelings.
82. To watch a commercial/television show about weight loss and not feel like a failure because I’m not trying, or feel uncomfortable period.
83. So one day when I have a dog, I can walk it and play with it outside and not feel tired.
84. So I can heal wounds that I can’t get to without losing the weight and leaving that life behind.
85. To be able to eat in front of family, friends, strangers and not feel like they’re thinking ” That’s why she’s fat “
86. So people think I eat healthy when they look in my cart at the grocery store.
87. So I can fit into ” that ” dress.
88. So I’m not lazy.
89. So I’m inspiring to others.
90. So I’m not afraid to have sex during the day or with the light on.
91. So when I one day get pregnant I can watch my stomach grow with the baby.
92. To be able to finally focus on maintenance instead of losing.
93. So I don’t show all of my inner problems on my body with fat, but instead learn to deal with them properly.
94. So I never feel like I have to hide that I ate something, or hide food.
95. So I never binge again and feel sick to my stomach and mind.
96. To feel self worth.
97. To build my identity around who I am inside instead of how I look on the outside.
98. To touch my body and look at it and feel proud.
99. So I can believe again.
100. So the ” Fat ” part of my life is turned into something positive to learn by instead of something dangerous and unhealthy both physically and mentally.
101. To be able to sit in a swing at a park and not feel the chains digging into my hips.
102. To not be afraid of looking for a new job if I ever need to because of my weight.
103. So I can learn how to swim.
104. So I can learn how to skate.
105. To get rid of my double chin.
106. To be considered as pretty as my sister.
107. So I can put pictures of myself up on Face Book and have people who thought I was ugly see them and think otherwise.
108. So I can enjoy looking in the mirror at myself.
109. So when I look into the mirror I see my real self and not the fat person I have become.
110. So I can dress up for Halloween in something really sexy.
111. To be able to wear dresses or skirts and show off my legs.
112. To be able to wear short sleeved shirts and dresses to show off my arms.
113. So when I smile my cheeks are not all puffy and huge.
114. So I am not depressed.
115. To hear someone tell me I have a nice body.
116. To be able to tell myself I have a nice body.
117. To go hiking.
118. To go horse back riding.
119. So I can learn how to be a smart shopper/cook.
120. So I can walk into a room and feel like the prettiest woman there, even if only just once and for a second.
121. So I can be comfortable in a movie theater.
122. So I can be comfortable in an airplane seat.
123. To be able to lay or sit on the floor and not feel like a big ball about to bust if I sit a certain way too long.
124. To not have to worry about waking up with heat rash under my arms.
125. So I have better posture.
126. So I can take better care of others in my life.
127. To not have to worry all the time about tugging down at shirts or fixing pants.
128. So I don’t have to worry about back fat and how it looks in shirts.
129. So I have a nicer ass.
130. To not have to worry about my tummy sticking out.
131. To have smaller perkier breasts.
132. So it doesn’t take me forever to get ready to go out somewhere because I feel fat and gross in everything I put on.
133. So I can put a seat belt on in a passenger seat without feeling like a sausage.
134. So I’ll have the confidence to learn how to drive.
135. So I can get behind the driver’s seat of a car without feeling like a sardine.
136. So I can buy and wear boots that go up my calves.
137. To be able to go outside for a walk or run without feeling embarrassed or out of shape.
138. To be able to go outside and work in a garden with flowers and not feel embarrassed or out of shape.
139. So I can go to a concert or somewhere where I have to stand for a long time and not have it affect me as much.
140. To feel lighter.
141. So when I have kids one day they don’t have a fat mom and get teased or are embarrassed of me.
142. So my niece’s are not embarrassed of me.
143. To be carried over the thresh hold.
144. To experience a piggy back ride.
145. So I don’t have to be the one who double bounces everyone on a trampoline.
146. To be able to buy different shoes and lots of them and not worry about my weight or being uncomfortable.
147. So I will get out of the house more and stop being a hermit.
148. So I can quit complaining about being fat.
149. To be able to get into bike riding again.
150. So I will go to social gatherings when invited and not chicken out because I don’t like how I look.